C'est quoi le rapport ?

6. C'est quoi le rapport ?
pronounced more or less: say kwah luh rah-porh ?
Literal translation: "It's what the connection?"
Variants:
1. Je ne vois pas le rapport. / Je vois pas le rapport. = I don't see the connection (I don't see what that's got to do with it).
2. Il n'y a aucun rapport. / Aucun rapport. / Ça n'a aucun rapport. = There's connection whatsoever. / That has nothing to do with it.
Implications: C'est quoi le rapport? is the equivalent of these American English expressions: "What's the connection?" ; "Where's the connection?" and sometimes "What's your point?" Most especially, when accompanied by a scrunched-up face of unabashed disdain, it's the equivalent of: "What's that (expletive) got to do with it?" The speaker clearly finds the remark just expressed off-base, unrelated to the topic at hand. It is unlikely that s/he is actually inviting you to explain the connection. You're going to have to insist like crazy if you want to clarify your point, because it's already been discarded and possibly you along with it.
Remarks: 
1) These expressions are also entirely valid ways of sincerely asking someone to connect the dots. Any implication of judgmental exasperation comes from context and/or tone of voice.
2) C'est quoi le rapport? is familiar French. Its variants are appropriate in any context.

Example One: You're chatting in French with family members and a couple of their friends. One person keeps tossing in inconsequential tidbits -- asides that have nothing to do with the conversation, as if she were playing for points in an imaginary game of "how many useless comments can you come up with in 30 minutes to show off how much time you spend reading Wikipédia?" The musicians at the table start talking about performing their own stuff versus performing someone else's. The woman (who doesn't speak English) looks directly at you (who does) and says (in French): "performers who do covers face different problems than musicians who write their own stuff -- they call them 'song writers' in English."  Et alors? What's the point of saying "song writers" in English? Long pause, during which she's silent; she's waiting for something. What? It's highly unlikely that she's asking for confirmation. You respond in an even tone: "On dit 'composers' en anglais" (we say 'composers' in English) then add: "C'est quoi le rapport ?" She can't figure out your angle and remains, momentarily, speechless. Hooray. 

Example Two: You buy a large bar of dark chocolate at the local épicerie. Later at home, you open the package and find speckled, grey, unappetizing chocolate that has obviously undergone some severe temperature change. The next day, you go back to the store to exchange it (not a common practice in France). You explain to the épicier that the chocolate has gone grey and is therefore not desirable to eat. The épicier looks at you in disbelief and asks: C'est quoi le rapport ? His wife has recently used a similar grey bar to make a delicious cake, dark chocolate is for cooking anyway, not for eating." You re-phrase: "I bought it to eat, not to cook with." Him: "but you cook with dark chocolate; you need to buy milk chocolate if you want chocolate to eat." (Mais franchement, j'hallucine ou quoi ?!) You could counter with another "c'est quoi le rapport" but it's a losing battle. You insist simply: "We like to eat dark chocolate. Do have any that's arrived recently, that may not be discolored?" Him: "Je vois pas le rapport..." After another ten minutes of this, you finally head back home with a new bar of dark chocolate.

Moral: if you want to hang out with the French, you'd better be tenacious or very, very zen.

C'est du pipeau !

5. C'est du pipeau !
pronounced more or less: say dew pee po
The stress goes on the last syllable, "-peau": C'est du piPEAU !
Variant: C'est pas du pipeau ! / Ce n'est pas du pipeau ! These are simply negative forms of the expression, meaning something akin to: "And that's not just whistlin' Dixie, folks."
"Un pipeau" is a reed pipe (tin whistle) or a bird call.
Literal translation: "It's a bird call." / "It's a tin whistle."
Implications: C'est du pipeau implies that whatever was just said isn't true or at best a stretch of the imagination. It's roughly equivalent to the American English expressions, "what a load of rubbish" or, a bit more outdated, "it's strictly for the birds." It's sometimes used as well to indicate that, in the user's opinion (always the favored perspective), what is being referred to as "pipeau" is inconsequential, no big deal, about as important as...well, let's see...a tin whistle.
Remarks: This is a familiar, fairly high-frequency expression, in no way vulgar (sorry to disappoint).

Example One: You walk into your dining room and nearly drop to the floor when you see that someone has carved his initials into your beautiful mahogany dining table. A blood curdling J'hallucine !  escapes your lips. You suspect one of the kids in the household, and by "suspect," I mean that you're sure. Not having good parenting instincts, you call all the kids into the room in hopes of exposing the culprit and forcing a tearful, guilt-ridden confession. They all deny the act. Dumbfounded, you say: C'est du pipeau !!!! Mais j'hallucine ou quoi ?!!!
To no avail, of course. Eh bien !

PS: this example crosses cultures with no problem whatsoever. Just ask my brother, JS.

Example Two: "La Tour Eiffel bio, c'est du pipeau" ["an organic Eiffel Tower, yeah, sure, you betcha...not!"] That's what all the buzz was back in 2009 when the French were preparing, in celebration of the 120th anniversary of the Eiffel Tower, to re-paint the giant according to the organic norms set up for 2012. In fact, the paint used was identical to the paint used in 2001, no lead, but plenty of solvents, so... c'est du pipeau !

Franchement...

4. Franchement...
pronounced more or less: frahn cheuh mehn (3 distinct syllables) OR frahnch mehn (2 syllables)
The "an" and "ent" are nasalized: to produce the correct sound, don't let your tongue touch the roof of your mouth.
Variant: Mais franchement...
Literal translation: "Frankly"
Implications: "Oh come ON!" / "Oh PLEase..."
Remarks: When used to modify a verb, franchement is synonymous with forthrightness and sincerity: Elle parle franchement, exprime ouvertement ce qu'elle pense. = "She speaks frankly, openly expresses what she thinks." When franchement stands alone, however, it tends to express two basic positions that may overlap: surprise bordering on disbelief in the face of what was just done or said, and/or disapproval in the face of what was just done or said.

Examples: Earlier this week I was standing at the counter of the village boulangerie/épicerie, waiting to buy my bread. Just ahead of me was an elderly gentlemen who looks like he's somewhere around 120. He asked for 2 baguettes and a cigarette lighter. The boulanger placed the items on  the counter and announced: "3 euros 60, s'il vous plaît." The old guy had in his hand more than enough coins to cover the purchase, but kept getting them confused and coming up short. Each time the boulanger repeated: "Non, non, c'est 3 euros 60." Finally he took the correct amount from the wrinkled old hand and ended the purchase with a, "Merci, bonne journée" ("thanks, have a nice day"). Then he turned to me, rolled his eyes and said, "franchement." Meaning: "Geesh, can you believe that?!"

Well, let's think about it: Obviously the guy's been around for a while, so he's seen the old French franc traded in for the new French franc, which in turn was traded in -- fairly recently -- for the euro. Plus he's practically deaf and on top of that may have been thinking about the price of baguettes at the time of the French bread war.

I left the store muttering, "franchement..." Come now,  monsieur le boulanger, how could you be so insensitive?

Et alors ?

3. Et alors ?
pronounced more or less: Ay ah lohr
Essentially expresses one of two possible postures: 1) "So what? Why are you telling me this? It's not important... (to me)" or 2)"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand???!"
Literal translation: "And so?" / "And then?"
Implications: "Big deal (that would be of interest to me because...?)" or "would you please get to the point (if you have one)."
May be accompanied by a shoulder shrug and a disinterested or puzzled look.
Remark: "Et alors?" is not necessarily dismissive. The speaker may sincerely be asking for an explanation or for more information.

Example One: One summer evening we were out on the terrace, a bottle of champagne on the table and glasses in hand. The couple that lives upstairs -- lovely people on occasion albeit nombrilists par excellence -- stopped by to say hello on their way down the road to water their garden. Salut, salut, bisous, bisous...then we explained that we were celebrating the birth of my son's daughter. They don't know my son. Not missing a beat, and without a single comment or question, the gentleman expressed a disinterested "et alors?"and started talking about their grand-daughter, who was expecting a baby in September. Alas, a true story...

(The baby, by the way, is healthy, beautiful...and curious about life around her.)

Example Two: Imagine yourself out about town. You run into your former neighbors George and Georgette, whom you rarely see since moving. You catch up then fall silent, not really having anything to add but not quite ready to say goodbye to each other. George drops this by way of conversation: "that news on TV last night...wow! Jean-Marc won!" You don't have a television and don't know anyone named Jean-Marc, so you stand there waiting for George to continue, to explain. He doesn't. He's waiting for you to make a comment about the sensational news, which he assumes you know because he does. (Franchement...) Finally since nothing's clear or going anywhere, you say: "Et alors? What's the scoop? I don't have a TV and who's JM anyway?"... inviting George to go on with his story.

(Et bien oui, you guessed it, another true story: turns out that Jean-Marc is the son of a woman G&G knew in their childhood days. He and his wife just won big in the lottery.)