Puisque je te le dis...

16. Puisque je te le dis...
pronounced more or less: pweess keuh jeuh teuh leuh dee
Literal translation: Since I you it say.
Variant: Puisque je vous le dis...
Meaning: "Like I said..." / "I told you already..." / "You have my word on it."
Implications: Puisque je te le dis may be used simply to reaffirm what you've already expressed. It may also imply irritation or exasperation, in the which case the equivalent would be, "How many times do I have to tell you (anyway)?" In a further twist, Puisque je te le dis can be a verbal aggression by a speaker who feels his word is being impugned. In this case it's tantamount to, "how dare you question me? I know what I'm talking about!"
Remark: This expression is not the equivalent of "because I say so" (parce que je te le dis), which carries a dictatorial sentiment.

Example One ("it's true"): Every year there's a moment of tension between our village and the neighboring one as the two jockey to calendar dates for their biggest summer events. The Fête votive of one village invariably falls on the same date as the other's Kermesse. Scheduling the two events on the same weekend doesn't work for the vacationers, who would prefer the activities be held on separate weekends. Nor does it work for those in charge of the coffers, who would prefer the vacationers' pocketbooks be opened at their village event. Every year the same amazement can be heard when the summer events calendar is released across the valley:

"They did it again! Saumane's fête votive is the same weekend as our kermesse!"
--You're joking! Are you sure?
--Puisque je te le dis...

Example Two (the less common "you have some nerve"): You're at your small village bank to deposit a check. The majority of the villagers are elderly and prefer to trust the one and only teller to fill in any forms that need filling. In fact, the forms aren't even accessible to bank customers; the teller keeps them behind her cluttered, impregnable counter. She's a kind, generally personable lady and the transactions usually take place without a hitch. Usually. You hand her your check for 600 euros, tell her you'd like to deposit it into your savings account. She quickly fills out the deposit slip then hands it to you to sign. It reads 400 euros. You point out the mistake. No, no, she insists, the check is for 400 euros. No, no, you insist, it's for 600. Puisque je vous le dis, she says tapping the number with the tip of her pen. Case closed? Au contraire. The letters SIX CENTS EUROS are glaring up at you from the left side of the check. "I believe you have misread the number, madame."
Moral of the story: a handwritten French 4 can look remarkably like an American 6, so check those receipts folks.

Example Three: For a playful "how many times do I have to tell you before you believe me "puisque je te le dis, listen to the song Puisque je te le dis by singer-actress Jane Birkin, former companion to the song's composer, Serge Gainsbourg. 

C'est vous qui le dites.

15. C'est vous qui le dites.
pronounced more or less: say voo key leuh deet
Literal translation: It is you who it says.
Variant: C'est toi qui le dis.
Meaning: That's what you say. / So you say.
Implications: C'est vous qui le dites immediately calls into question the validity of the comment just made and the honor of the person who made it. It expresses disagreement, is not necessarily accompanied by any explanation and attempts to put the other on the defensive by implying: "I disagree with you, so you must be wrong. What do you have to say about that?"
Remark: Yes indeed, the French do have sundry ways of letting you know that you don't. Stump them by asking if this is strictly French or is it a cross-culture tendency.

Example: Friends and acquaintances are chatting (in French) on the village square one balmy summer evening. The conversation turns to the upcoming soccer match between France and Germany. You say you're looking forward to it. Laughter. Implication: How could an American be interested in soccer? After all it's a European sport, not American.

OK, sure, soccer may not be as popular in the US as in France, but has been growing steadily since the 80s. More and more American kids are playing it and many American cities have professional teams. You politely explain this then add: "My son grew up playing soccer. In fact, I grew up playing soccer." You should definitely know whether you and your son played soccer, right? That can't possibly be called into question, right? Yet you incredulously hear a guy utter, "C'est vous qui le dites." So what's he expecting, for you to grab a soccer ball and do a David Beckham imitation? In all fairness, he may be referring to the first part of what you said, but either way...franchement. Dance him around the square singing, "C'est moi, c'est moi, 'tis I." He won't get that either.