Non mais ça va pas ?!

14. Non mais ça va pas?!
pronounced more or less: nonh meh sah vah pah
Literal translation: no but that isn't going?
Variations: Ça va pas, non ?! / Non mais ça ne va pas ? / Ça va pas, la tête ?!
Meaning: What the heck is wrong with you anyway?!  / Are you nuts or what?!
Implications: The cover of Grégoire Solotareff's children's book says it all.

Auteur: Grégoire Solotareff / Editeur: Ecole de Loisirs

In case you're not a "picture-is-worth-a-thousand-words" kind of person: Non mais ça va pas immediately positions the speaker in unequivocal opposition to whatever was just said or done. Not only is s/he opposed, s/he is stunned by the stupidity, audacity or inappropriateness of the other. How to reply? Three options come to mind:
1) Nonchalantly shrug your shoulders while pronouncing an indifferent Et alors? Expect repercussions.
2) Apologize then explain calmly what you were thinking. (You'll probably be the only one listening.)
3) Skip the apology and go directly to a counter-attack and/or condescending lecture of why you’re right.



Example: Your village boulangerie-épicerie is closed for two weeks while the owners are on vacation, so you drive 50 kilometers to the nearest hypermarché for groceries. From the cheese aisle on one side of the store, you hear very clearly what an Anglo-Saxon couple on the other side of the store will be having for dinner that night. It's as if their conversation were being broadcast over the PA system. Cultural stereotype? Yes. Accurate? Also yes.

You head for that marvel of the French grocery store, the apéro aisle – an entire aisle of things to serve during the cocktail hour. A French woman is discretely chatting with a friend. By the time she turns her attention back to her shopping cart, her child has filled it with all kinds of chips. “Non mais ça va pas ?!” she explodes with a smack of her hand, just like too many parents in too many places. Discretion be hanged. You hear yourself fire right back at her: Non mais franchement, madame, ça ne va pas ?!

Who’s the elephant and who’s the crocodile?